I'm Too Lost...
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Silence, Since my computer won't let me play music!
I'm kinda lost right now cause I realize I haven't been very happy lately. Only one thing makes me very happy and yet, at the same time makes me feel horrible for believing in it. I don't really understand what I'm suppose to do. I can either let it go and just throw everything away, which I am not willing to do since I would have to give up my best friend in order to do that one. Second option is to deal with it in silence, talk about it with my best friend on a nightly basis. Last but not least, well least in the order I'd do them all, is to be up front and see what happens (aka Michael's advice). Ok, third option is out since I KNOW i'd get my hear tcrushed and laughed at forever. I don't handle rejection well. First option was out even before it was in cause I need my best friend to live, she is my air! :-) So, I'm stuck with what my horoscope said, to let my emotions stay hidden for the summer. Guess those horoscope writers really get lucky sometimes. Ugh, as much as I want to believe that they will stay hidden, I have doubts about them. I also have doubts that maybe this will fade. I don't want it too. I love the way it makes me feel, until I get sense slammed back into my head. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens. By the way, I'm GREAT at waiting...not.


-Me

....Ok rub it in!
Now Playing: Journey
I hate listen to the radio. I keep hearing Journy and Stevie Nicks!!! Ugh!!! Summerfest has the BEST classic rock line up in YEARS and I can't see them, why? Cause they like to rip off people and charge them money for music!!!!! UGH! Music is not something to take profit from frist, it is for the joy and spirit, then you take a bit of cash. Think if each ticket was $5, they'd still make MILLIONS, or something close. :-/ oh well, it just pisses me off and I'm going insane again but oh well, that happens everyday.



Insane from over thinking about certain things I wanna get rid of!!!!!

I'll admit it, for now...
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Don't ask, It's sappy shit!
Okay, so right now I'll admit it but this will most likely fade within 10 minutes or so. I like him, a lot but it is going to fade and I'm not going to be some sappy, mushy, hoping and dreaming kinda gal. I know the reality of the situation and I understand why things are the way things are. I'm not at all in the same whatever they call it. Lol, I think you know you have it bad once you say you aren't good enough for the other person, crap. Fine, so what? I have it bad but it will fade, if not now then give me a few months or something. I just hate that this happened to me with this person, even if he'll never know about it (AND HE WONT!) it just sucks that it was him and not someone I could just REALLY ignore. Nope! Not a nice crush where I can't be around him cause I don't wanna be and end it there....no....i HAVE to see him cause of a certain person whom I love and won't let down! Thanks certain person! :-P Alright, I'm going to go since talking about that guy and shit right now isn't the best idea for me, now is it?

-Me


PS. He gives me false faith, I think I could kill him right now since I don't want it!!

What happens next?
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Why Can't This Be Love - Van Halen
I've come to the realization that 'l*ve' is just not in the cards, star, or whatever for me. Suppose I'm just here to help others fall in or maybe even out of l*ve then? Idk, I just wish 'l*ve' would say 'hey, you are a good person and need some l*ving...here's a boy!'! I wonder if my lack in that emotion is maybe putting a damper on my karmatic gifts from it? I've been working on my karma so I guess technically that wouldn't affect it, right? However, I think I've been bad. I've been thinking, feeling, and even saying and doing bad things. I know most might say you can't help what you think, well I say that they are just weak. That is what is going on here, I'm becoming weaker than normal. So maybe I've just fucked up my karma WAY too much and the gods are saying 'no more loving for you missy!'. I hope it's not too late for karmatic repairs.

Just a note...
I like the fucking teddy bear,I'm not preg or something. I just thought it was cute so die if you ask if I'm 'expecting' or something!

-Me